someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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