I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
