It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
