i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
