everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we're so committed to being not committed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
