you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
