Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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