her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
