i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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