There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
