Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize