I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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