He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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