Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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