so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
