WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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