just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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