you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
