I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize