I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
