No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
