his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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