His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
