Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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