she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
