first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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