are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
