I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I lost the right to judge tonight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
