I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
