you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
