A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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