Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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