Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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