i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
