I seem to have left my pride at pride
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
