My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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