tonight lets celebrate not being married
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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