You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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