try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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