And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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