I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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