On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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