you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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