her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
