You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
