some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
