Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
