Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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