the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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