Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
