I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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