She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My penis needs a shock collar
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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