dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
