this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize