if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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