I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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