There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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