Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
