The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
