Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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