Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
