I hate your face
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
