so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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