I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
