My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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