you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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